Liz Ard

Big words! lack of brevity! scarecrows! Behold…my greatest tools to combat men with the intellect of cardboard.

…Especially because I am 4’10 and recovering from a recent 30 foot pencil dive onto concrete: my greatest stunt yet. I am not in sport mode, cannot Kill Bill my way through the swathes of mid-goon mouf breavers… unless I do so early on in the process…& before i get coconut oil on my badthefuggass jumpsuit.
so all the problematic normies, hagglers, sketchiness, time wasters, and any other fugshit… I can smell yall better than a tsa dog. If you haven’t noticed my most prominent olfactory centerpiece yet, its because it’s hard at work. See them rocks? Kick em!

I party like a big boy, I’ve got the patience of a hindu cow, and ive got expectations that stay attainable. If you can handle the real deal when its shining its brights in your face, we are going to get along swimmingly. If you admire the strangeness in strangers, lets do it together. I embody absurdity and nuance in most everything I do; the triviality of the status quo is the last thing I preferentiate. I am more open minded than most, and worst of all, I am probably already into it-whatever it is.

consider me enthusiastic and concurrently extremely laid back. softer and prettier in person, but still hard as nails.

like, imagine… two consenting adults- treating one another like equals and getting narsty with it.

i love what i do and i hear that im good at it.

also i did actually break my spine, sacrum, coccyx, and had to get some titanium hardware drilled into my vertebrae in mid June 2024! Had to relearn how to walk and all that… but I’m doing pretty well right now. Still trying to take it easy, but wanting to ease back in slowly. appreciate the tolerance in advance.

So, for those who are literate and nice to me, many thanks for holding out. Always quality over quantity. Safety. discretion. reciprocal respect.

ready break!

-wonderful Lizard of oz